Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
