JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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