My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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