An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
