She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so much tequila, so little girl.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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