Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
