y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The uberlube is also flammable
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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