I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
