Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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