I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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