I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Someone came in the potted fern
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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