I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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