: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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