Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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