I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
