Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
