:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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