So gin and wine won't be happening again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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