Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
