so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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