I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
