Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the day after is always just damage control
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
