I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You need a sexual gate keeper
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
