She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
