I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
