I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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