Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
