Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
