and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I want her autograph on my taint
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
