I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
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