see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
