I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
