look no pants
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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