do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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