I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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