Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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