why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
