My brain says no but my pants say off.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
