I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
