I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
