woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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