There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
