While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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