Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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