I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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