Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
