nut hugger
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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