Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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