I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Your cock deserves a montage
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
