Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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