Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I woke up under a house in Key West
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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