it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So much rum. So many feels.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
