dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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