Heybabeimwearingurpanties
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
