WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
