She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
