3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
