you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
