Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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