Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
