u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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