i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.