are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
