I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
