just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
