I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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