im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
