she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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