go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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